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INFREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

 

What counts as a referral?

A referral = someone else you refer to The Deep who subscribes via your personal referral link. In order to qualify as a valid referral, the person must (a) subscribe to The Deep via your personal URL and (b) confirm their email address via the confirmation link we send them. Then they must jump up and down on one foot continuously for 2 minutes.*

 

How do I redeem my rewards?

Keep an eye out for our emails, which will contain top-secret instructions like, “Make sure the mailing address we have on file is correct,” or “Complete this questionnaire so we can recognize you in an upcoming newsletter,” or “Do you prefer an XXS or an XXXXXXL sweatshirt?”

 

How quickly will I receive my reward?

It depends on how much work our unpaid intern, Steve, has got on his plate.*  To clarify: you’ll receive digital rewards (like the exclusive content you earn for 3 referrals) almost immediately.  Rewards that are snail-mailed take longer, so please be patient.  Please note that in order to receive a reward via snail-mail, you must have a valid address on file with us (because we can’t mail you anything if we don’t know where you live, wise-guy).  Also, your mailing address must be located within the United States (we can’t afford postage to Uruguay).  Lastly, if you want to be recognized in a future newsletter you’ll need to complete the questionnaire we email to you.

 

Can I choose the sizes of my rewards?

In some cases, yes (e.g., we might ask you your preferred sweatshirt size). But in most cases, no (sorry dude, but you can’t choose the size of your water bottle, greeting card, hat, tote bag, etc.).

 

Is there anything else I should know about the rewards I might get?

Yup. A reward may be redeemed only once, so it’s important to ensure that the mailing address and any other personal information you have on file with us is correct (it’s not our fault if we, for example, send a tote bag to your weird-ass neighbor because you accidentally wrote 245 Oak St. instead of 246 Oak St.).

We also reserve the right to modify our rewards at any time. (Hey, we get bored easily, it’s not our fault.)

Lastly, we expect you to be honest. Don’t game the system. If we have reason to believe that you are misleading, misrepresenting, lying or cheating in any way in order to earn rewards you haven’t legitimately qualified for, we reserve the right to withhold any/all rewards, suspend or terminate your subscription to The Deep, tell your mommy*, and never talk to you again* (burn!).

 

Can I buy any of the rewards outright? I’m too lazy to email people but I’d drop $100 to have my name in an upcoming newsletter.

Nope, sorry. You’ve got to earn our rewards the good old fashioned way: by annoying the sh*t out of your friends until they can’t take it any longer and subscribe.

 

Who do I contact if I have questions or just need a shoulder to cry on?

You can email us at: firstworldproblems@thedeep.life.

 

*These are may or may not be jokes.